Some days I lose perspective.

Parenting is so hard, so continuous. Sometimes it is so NOT ME. I have a bad (yes Dad, a bad) attitude today. I guess its a bunch of stuff - I dislike my new haircut immensely. It'll grow, (soon I hope) and it's really not bad, it's just not me. None of my clothes fit. I'm feeling taken-for-granted by my children and husband. I am tired of whiny, crying, tired kids. I want to be working toward the school: doing something, not waiting. This is what they call Out-of-Sorts.

Today A chose to yell at me after everything I said to him. "Time to go home" was met with screams, "here is your water", "no, we're not going to the library" and "time for taekwondo", too. We went to taekwondo and he wouldn't go in. He sat outside and yelled. I was so embarrassed. I took him home and just lost it. My husband was great with A and talked to him about responsibility and promises and respect. I just couldn't get any words out. I was just worn to a raveling. I don't understand this behavior - I put him to bed at 7:45 tonight, hopefully that helps.

We had fun this weekend - went to a work party for C's work. (I'm in house-lust again... I had just started to like my house and then we go to this beautiful place with a mud room, and a HUGE kitchen, and lots of empty carpeting...) On Sunday we flew kites. My mom gave the kids a pirate ship kite. It only flies when there is a lot of wind. The wind was perfect! C tied the kite to one of the soccer goals and it flew on its own. Even M could fly a kite. We brought Buck to the field with us. He is such a dopey golden retriever. He ran and ran and then laid down in a puddle. A stinky, muddy puddle.

I just finished reading Lois McMaster Bujold's book The Curse of Chalion. So good. I love books that let me fall into them in the first page or two. This one was (like all of Bujold's) tremendous - lots of throne-room intrigue and planning, a little bit of magic, a little romance.

Now I'm reading a thriller-mystery called Fatal Tide by Iris Johansen. It's not horrible. (She's a NY Times Bestselling Author.) It's a little unbelievable, a little choppy. None of the magical language that is in the Bujold's. I want to read some of my other library books... We'll see - it's so difficult to find time to read - there's so much to do.

Maybe that's part of my problem today too - housework is so continuous. Parenting is continuous. Laundry is so continuous. I know, changing my perspective would help. I can finish the dishes tonight. Never mind that there is always another cup hiding behind the coffee maker, or in the living room. I can clean up the living room tonight. But I probably won't. I'll probably just sit here, cycling through Readerville or chatting with friends on Zoetrope or Googling random things or checking out other people's blogs.