Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I had a wonderful time tonight. It was VIP night at the kids' taekwondo gym. Both boys took me! (My husband already takes classes there.) So, I ended up going to two classes. A asked me where my uniform was - and he asked if I would go to EVERY class with him.

It was fun for other reasons too - being able to be the student and have my kids be the teachers; spending time with them individually; actually exercising. I usually have M with me, so they don't get much of my undivided attention.

Life has been fun for the past few days. I've been working on the middle school plan, been joking with my husband, cleaning the house a bit. M and my friend Anne and I went to a thrift shop the other day and found some 100% wool sweaters - I'm going to felt them and make some bags. I've also started a scarf. I'm looking forward to the trunk show. I don't know if I'll have enough really, to sell, but we'll see.

I'm reading a Sharon Shinn book right now... The Safe-Keeper. It's good, really good. My son is into Charlie Bone series. He's cannot WAIT until the next Garth Nix book comes out...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Some days I lose perspective.

Parenting is so hard, so continuous. Sometimes it is so NOT ME. I have a bad (yes Dad, a bad) attitude today. I guess its a bunch of stuff - I dislike my new haircut immensely. It'll grow, (soon I hope) and it's really not bad, it's just not me. None of my clothes fit. I'm feeling taken-for-granted by my children and husband. I am tired of whiny, crying, tired kids. I want to be working toward the school: doing something, not waiting. This is what they call Out-of-Sorts.

Today A chose to yell at me after everything I said to him. "Time to go home" was met with screams, "here is your water", "no, we're not going to the library" and "time for taekwondo", too. We went to taekwondo and he wouldn't go in. He sat outside and yelled. I was so embarrassed. I took him home and just lost it. My husband was great with A and talked to him about responsibility and promises and respect. I just couldn't get any words out. I was just worn to a raveling. I don't understand this behavior - I put him to bed at 7:45 tonight, hopefully that helps.

We had fun this weekend - went to a work party for C's work. (I'm in house-lust again... I had just started to like my house and then we go to this beautiful place with a mud room, and a HUGE kitchen, and lots of empty carpeting...) On Sunday we flew kites. My mom gave the kids a pirate ship kite. It only flies when there is a lot of wind. The wind was perfect! C tied the kite to one of the soccer goals and it flew on its own. Even M could fly a kite. We brought Buck to the field with us. He is such a dopey golden retriever. He ran and ran and then laid down in a puddle. A stinky, muddy puddle.

I just finished reading Lois McMaster Bujold's book The Curse of Chalion. So good. I love books that let me fall into them in the first page or two. This one was (like all of Bujold's) tremendous - lots of throne-room intrigue and planning, a little bit of magic, a little romance.

Now I'm reading a thriller-mystery called Fatal Tide by Iris Johansen. It's not horrible. (She's a NY Times Bestselling Author.) It's a little unbelievable, a little choppy. None of the magical language that is in the Bujold's. I want to read some of my other library books... We'll see - it's so difficult to find time to read - there's so much to do.

Maybe that's part of my problem today too - housework is so continuous. Parenting is continuous. Laundry is so continuous. I know, changing my perspective would help. I can finish the dishes tonight. Never mind that there is always another cup hiding behind the coffee maker, or in the living room. I can clean up the living room tonight. But I probably won't. I'll probably just sit here, cycling through Readerville or chatting with friends on Zoetrope or Googling random things or checking out other people's blogs.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Where did my patience go?

There was a time in my life when I had unlimited reserves of patience. I could re-direct until the cows came home. I could look at a screaming child and find some element of empathy, some softening of my heart. I could take deep breaths and let go of all thoughts that the tantrums were personal. This is not that time.

It would be so useful to me to have a Pause button. Forget those Easy buttons from the commercials - I just need a few minutes to compose myself; to calm my brain; to sort out all the information that is hurled at me from all quarters.

I decided tonight that I don't want to yell as much. I want to be more forgiving/understanding/flexible, but not a push over. (is that one word?)

Yesterday M's finger got pinched in a door. We spent the morning in the Emergency Room. She got 4 stitches in her pinky - what a trooper. She is a smiley kid by nature and by the time I decided she needed professional attention, she was smiling at the school secretary. As far as Emergency Room visits go, this was the best experience we could have had. Pleasant, smiling, calm people who explained everything as we went along. I love teaching hospitals.

My son A started full days of school. (he's in kindergarten at Montessori school) He's been awfully tired. Tired = Cranky. I wonder if he can hear me sometimes. He is a dramatic kid, so my evenings are filled with wailing and gnashing of teeth when things don't go the way he planned. I can't negotiate with him at all. He'll be screaming, crying, etc. and then suddenly he'll stop and ask for ice cream. (or to watch TV). That boy could live on TV or computers and apple juice and yogurt. On the bright side, he made a necklace for me today in school, and wrote his name on his paper.

My other son L ignores A often, but he's so good with M. L is in third grade and reading up a storm. He's working on fractions this week. Adding and subtracting. And telling jokes that only 3rd graders could love. Tomorrow he takes his last midterm before testing for 2nd degree black belt. (he's 1st degree now: there are 9 total)

I read a mystery the other day called Swallow the Hook by S.W. Hubbard about a small Adirondack town police officer. It was good - entertaining, not too obvious. I have trouble with the word Adirondack. I always want to pronounce it Aridondack and then it just sounds wrong.

Hmm. Painted part of the bathroom yesterday. I'm liking the Buxton Blue. I asked M and she said "It's too dark". But, she is just 2 1/2.

Still working on my struggle between minimalism and gross consumerism. It is just so easy to buy stuff. Then, when I find things that I want to make on my own, I still have to buy stuff to do it. I'm thinking about making X-mas gifts this year. It rarely gets beyond that tho'. I did make an awesome Monkey backpack for one of my nieces and she didn't even thank me. (I know she got it.) So part of me doesn't want to do anything like that again (it took me a year to knit!). Maybe just jewelry this year. It's easier to make. Of course, having that Pause button would be helpful for this part of my life, too!