I participated in a taekwondo tournament in Kendallville, Indiana this past weekend.  It was so much fun.  I earned two trophies, a first in Sparring, and a second in Forms.  Which is neat - I have never received a trophy for a physical feat before.  (I did get a trophy when I worked at McDonald's back in the 80's.  We got first place in the McDonald's Olympics for Drive-Thru.)  But it was nothing like this.

I was nervous, but not terrified.  When we left the house at 6 a.m.  I had already been up for an hour: getting uniforms ready, gear bags packed, food for the drive, things to do for the drive, etc.  It took about 1 1/2 hours to get to Kendallville (just north of Ft. Wayne).  

The morning was taken with opening ceremonies, Tiny Tiger competition (The Divine Miss M competed - she's 5), and waiting.  Finally, at about 3:15 they called White, Orange & Yellow belts 18 & over.  Kim & I were the last to compete - luckily everyone else was engaged when we went on the floor.  Craig was judging, L was scorekeeping for Master Flotka, Haley, Lindsay and Fletch were competing.  M & A were playing in a corner.  (ack - I was a bit concerned about them, but they're good at keeping themselves amused without hurting anyone - or each other!)  

No one else in our ring had ever been to a tournament before - so that was good.  I was told later it looked like the "ring of moms" - I'm not sure how many of us had kids in the tournament - at least 4 out of the 6.  The judge was patient, and kind, and patient.  (he had to be, poor guy)  I enjoyed doing my form - even though I messed up the last move.  I was most nervous about sparring, although at our level it's just one-steps.  One person acts as the attacker - does 2 moves & stops - and the other person goes through 5-8 defensive steps.  Then the players switch.  So, there is no contact - supposedly :) .

Actually, after we were finished, I was ready for more.   

We watched a lot of others compete.  The third degree (and above) black belts did some weapons-fighting  (so much fun - like hitting each other with pool noodles, but with flair!)  And we watched the judges get to compete.  I'm beginning to understand how things work in TKD.  

Afterwards, we ate at Pizza Hut with a couple of other Lansing-area car-loads.  And then, the long drive home.  

The next tournament is in Fort Wayne, Indiana on Sept. 12.  I will be a camo-belt then, which means real sparring, not one-steps.  I know what I get to do next!  Lots of sparring practice.  

I cannot wait.

Really, how did it get to be the middle of May?   

and my last post was March??  geezlouise.  Guess it's time for some priority setting.   I've been having fun, enjoying life.  Went to Texas for a b

it to see my mama & spend some time with my dear friend Pam.  It was a wonderful, life-affirming time.  I turned 40 while I was there.  (what's up with that??  I don't feel 40.)  

We went to see the Wall between the US & Mexico while we were there.  I really didn't know that they actually started work on that wall.  Really, 

how many Walls-between-countries have ever worked?  One?  and that one was 3,700 miles long 

and had slave labor build it.  I took a few photos (with my cell) of the parts we saw:

  

My purse was stolen on Saturday.  (I'm not looking for commiseration - it was my own fault - I left it in the unlocked car in my driveway.)  It was definitely a not-so-gentle push to look at my life differently.

So, the obvious things: be more responsible.  Put things away, where they belong.  (I'm sure some people will read that and say "well, duh" :)  )  It did force me to clean up a bit - I wanted to make sure that the police officer didn't slip and fall on my dirty laundry, and I wanted to have a clean place to fill out the paperwork.  I was also so upset with myself right after I found out that I did all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen.  

I will find a central place to write all important info down.  (and I will re-assess what I mean by important!)  It was difficult to get a replacement debit card without a photo ID; it was also difficult to get my Driver's License renewed with only two pieces of ID. However, the lady at the License place let me renew it early, so I don't have to go back in two months.  Hooray!

The other nice thing that was a result of this is that I got to get a brand new checking/savings account.  Things will be so much easier to keep track of now.  I have a starting balance!  

I wasn't that upset about the physical things that were lost - I liked that purse, and the clicky wallet, and the checkbook made of recycled plastic.  But, I have enough.  If I didn't, I have ways/skills/options to make more money legally.   What would it take to steal something?  How much self-respect would I have to lose?   

I am pissed at those who were responsible.  The deputy said that he's following up on more and more robberies.  He said it was the economy.  I thought it was kids - they missed the iPod, didn't mess with the radio.  But hey, they only got a dollar in my purse.  I am horrified that someone had the audacity to walk up to my  house in the middle of the night!  Calm again because the dogs would never let anything happen to us.  Angry because whoever it was had no reason to do this, and yet, I don't know what baggage they were carrying.  They better not come back though.  It is unsettling.  

That is, actually, the best thing probably, about the whole situation.  To be unsettled = less relaxed, more aware, better prepared.  and I did start Tae Kwon Do today!

These are our first 3 birds.  They are zebra finches, and we got them in August.  (From left to right: Susan, Jack and King Tut)

Not more than a month later, we had eight birds. (Susan laid 5 eggs, and they were all viable!) They are sweet.  They have a chatter/chirp that isn't constant, but it is regular.  At first I thought it would drive me crazy, but it doesn't.  It is very calming - a kind of white noise that I really didn't know I needed until it was there. 

Thursday I was changing their water and I noticed that the perches were all bloody.  It wasn't a lot, but they are birds.  It was King Tut.  His belly was red, but he was fluttering around OK.  So I didn't really give it a second thought.  (This had happened to Susan within the first month, and she was fine the next day). Friday I found King Tut on the bottom of the cage, with his poor little orange feet in the air.  I was all for just chucking him in the trash. Cold, I know - but I really didn't feel like having the conversations with the kids ( that I was SURE we would have) once we told them.  Luckily, my husband saw reason, and placed King Tut in a butter-box and set him outside in the snow.  The two boys were already at school, but my daughter, M, (who is almost 5) was still home.  My husband gently took her onto his lap and said "M, honey, I have some sad news.  King Tut died last night.  Somehow he cut himself, and ended up dying."  M took a deep breath, her eyes were wet and bright, and sighed.  She said "OK, on the next sunny day, Mama will get a shovel, Daddy will bring the flowers, the boys will help me carry King Tut, and we'll sing him a song and bury him."  Then she hopped off C's lap and said "Mama, are you ready to go to school yet?"  

I really don't know where she came from.  (grin)  I'm glad she's the way she is, though.  And it's not just tragedy that makes her start making lists & delegating.  Today we were talking about how close Christmas is, and she started "we need to get the ornaments out - do you know where those are Mama? - and then the stockings.  And we need to frost cookies." and so on.  sigh.  I am going to frustrate her -  Poor girl.  I just barrel ahead and do stuff, I don't think of a logical progression.  (which is probably why I'm so tired all of the time.)  It's more of a "oh, and I should do this" and then I do, which reminds me of something else, which reminds me of something else... etc. 

***

Yesterday I went to a cookie swap.  I made toffee.  Mmmmm.  Ya know, you really can't go wrong with 2 lbs. of butter, and 2 lbs. of sugar topped with melted chocolate chips.  (some of it had pecans in/on it) .  I came home with some marvelous cookies as well.    I need to learn some photography skills.  

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I've been making felted flowers and then beading them.  OMG so much fun!  I take 100% wool sweaters (that I get from the Goodwill) and wash them in hot water, then throw them in the dryer, cut them into flower shapes and then bead the stamens.  I've made them into pins.  Then I've  made a few stuffed animals - a mouse, a Totoro (Japanese wood spirit), a pig, a cat, etc.  I had to take books back to the library UNREAD because I was having so much fun with the needle work that I didn't have time to read.  The kids have been working with me.  I'll try to set up some kind of photo booth so I can post pics.  I've been toying with the idea of setting up an Etsy shop.  (Have you been to Etsy?  So.much.fun.)  My friend Debbie has a shop  here:

She uses a similar technique, but I'm not sure if she has any flowers on her site. 

How can it be December already?  I guess I've been caught in the crush of kids-going-to-school, grocery shopping, and house-cleaning.  (can't wait to read more about my exciting life, huh?)  

My parents drove up in October from Brownsville, Texas.  They brought their cat, Stella, in the back of the camper.  My mom is doing well - this chemo is less toxic.  Her hair has grown back, her strength is back.  We had a blast while she was here.  (They never stay long enough.)  grin. I did put my dad to work - he built a mesquite counter top for us.  So pretty.  (and so useful.  The kids just love sitting "at the bar".)   

(SOAPBOX)  I just have to scream for a moment.  My parents are 64 (too young for Medicare), have no insurance, & a limited income (made even more limited by the recent stock market woes) - but not limited enough for Medicaid.  In order to get the best price on a port (for her chemo) my mom had to shop around at hospitals for the best price.  A port (so that they don't need to poke her veins each time) costs $11,000 if you have insurance - she got them down to $3,000.  Of course, that does not include the physician, the lab work,  or the anesthesia.  It makes me so angry that she had to shop around for something that was integral to her care.  Sigh.  (end SOAPBOX)

But...  in the interest of full disclosure, her sister  had a fund-raiser for her that contributed; and her church also had a fund-raiser, so this one is covered.  It still makes me angry. 

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I decided this year that I needed to pull back a bit - to tighten my circle of concern.  Mostly because I was worried about my mom and I felt I wasn't giving enough attention to my family.  Also because I was giving giving giving, and not taking any time for myself.  So, I took a leave of absence from the school board; I am not volunteering in the kids' classes; I'm taking Pilates at the YMCA.  It's working very well.  I have time to cook.  I've been going Crazy with needle-felting/recycling sweaters into flowers and stuffed animals.  I've been spending WAY too much time on the internet.   I wish I could find some sort of balance, but maybe this is the way.  

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Last week we went to Wisconsin for a family reunion.  It was lovely.  

(It's not often that those two terms, family reunion and lovely are used in the same sentence.)

We were celebrating my grandfather's 93rd birthday.  He was born in 1915.  

The cottages were old, and fairly well cared for - linoleum tiles on the walls

 (baby blue and dark brown in the kitchen, yellow and red in the bath), kno

tty pine cupboards and trim, gawd-awful beds with fitted sheets that didn't hold, and feather pillows with no support. I'd go back in a minute though. It was so nice to live in that leave-it-to-beaver kind of way - I'd send L to my aunt's house to get coffee, or butter. We'd take turns feeding the lot of us (15-20) at our respective cabins and then sit around and ask my grandfather questions about his early life.  The kids and I sent him a book called "me and My grandfather" or something like that. It has lots of questions followed by blank pages to write in. we learned how he met my grandmother, (during a stomach surgery - she was a student nurse, he was a resident), their first date (in which they both held down a patient during electric-shock therapy), where he proposed to her (the garden of a mental hospital), why he decided to be a doctor, pranks he pulled. It was very very fun. 

As my mom is dealing with cancer and the bitter aftermath of chemo, she couldn't come to the reunion. (too many germs for her suppressed immune system) So it was bitter-sweet to spend time with her sisters without her there. My mom has 4 sisters - I did get to look at each one and appre

ciate those parts of them that are like and not-like my mom. I really am so lucky to know (and be related to) so many interesting people.

 and my girl-cousins were there, and they are wonderful and supportive and huggy, which is just what I needed. (one brother, and a few boy cousins were also there. They too are huggable, and creative, and super cool - gives me hope)

My kids loved spending time with those relatives.  M fell in love with my aunt Sara.  It came as no surprise, as Sara and M are cut from similar cloth: the youngest, very girly-girls.  My aunt looks a bit older than me, but not much.  She's fit, tan, and dresses the part.  She and M were squealing over in the corner about being twins (they both had lip-shaped band-aids on), being the babies, etc.  Sara said, “M, you'll have to come visit me”  and a little while later, M came over to me and said “I have a new Mama now.  You can come visit us.”  and she was serious!  When we finally figured out that M was planning on moving to Colorado (she is only 4!) it took us awhile to talk her down.  So funny/cute/etc.  

We came back home through the Upper Peninsula.  What beautiful country!  I can see why I-27/I-75 is packed every Friday.  Who wouldn't want to run away to that?  

About two years ago, I visited an art gallery with my mom. (The Peachbelt Schoolhouse Studio Gallery near Saugatuck, MI www.peachbeltstudiogallery.com ) I was so moved by the artwork there I spent the drive home scribbling on the back of an envelope. (Yes, I was the only one in the car, and I was driving.) It's taken me two years to get up enough nerve to send the poem those scribbles turned into to the artist (Dawn Stafford), but I did, and she answered! So cool. And I'm so glad I did. Here it is:

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For Dawn Stafford

Schoolhouse Solace

I stood in the middle of the schoolhouse, looking at Vineyard Grapes V and was lost in them for a moment –

Felt sunlight dapple my arm

(As it must have yours

in that vineyard on that afternoon others might call lazy )

Could hear a fly, or a bee

Perhaps,

Buzzing around the dead fruit,

or your hair

Pausing on your shoulder

To look at the full dusky purpleness

I can only imagine your intention –

Never before have I wanted to speak so eloquently about work – not to define it, but to communicate how my spirit soars in recognition of the moment/light/image you've captured.

I look at the painting and my soul shouts yes yes yes! – that is it – I've been there.

dappled in sunlight

I'm not convinced that the magic lies in your schoolhouse. One look at the walls and how they work so well with your art; the flowers outside, the placement of pen and flyers and small studies of the larger work–the magic is in you – your ability to look at yourself

lay open for others that bare spot so vulnerable, raw and say

This is What I See. This is Who I Am –

it is beautiful and strong and so what I long for.

I so wanted to put my hand on your shoulder, reassure you that taking time for yourself, time to recharge, renew – is all important. You are right to do that. Right to take care of yourself. You can't keep giving so much of yourself to your paintings without caring for you. There won't be anything left.

It has been so long since words have forced their way out onto paper for me. I spent the entire ride home trying to capture them, trying to look out the window of my car and see what you see, trying to make sense of how those paintings rocked my world.